Saying good bye to Harold

 Harold wasn't ill, as far as I knew. He seemed to be enjoying his life as an avant-guarde musician, and was due to perform two days (or something like it) after he died. I read it in the website of the venue when I tried to learn more. This seems so unfair! 

Harold A. J. M. Schellinx was very, very clever and a good person. He helped me a lot when we were both starting. I finished my doctorate earlier than him, because he did so much for his. I am still trying to learn some of the things he wrote in 1994! Last time I wrote to him, around 2005, I was trying to get him to publish his thesis in Lulu. Amazon said it had one copy for more than 200 dollars and I said it would be nice if he did republish it. He replied that he still had plenty of copies and if I knew someone who wanted it, I should give them his email. Fair enough.

Harold could have destroyed my career, if he wanted to. He found a big hole in my work and helped me to try to fill it. Which I did, many years later. Andreja Prijatelj was a common friend, who departed  earlier in 2002.

I started this post in September, when I heard the bad news from Jean-Baptiste, via Luiz Carlos. It hurt. Much more than when I heard about Thomas Streicher. At least I had had a chance to catch up with Thomas in Padova, to have lunch and chat about the world with him. I don't think he knew already about his disease. I didn't, for sure, and thought it was only a lovely chat after so many years apart. And that this would become more part of my life now that I only work on things I want to. Little did I know that this was the last time I would see him alive.

But Christmas is the season for ghost stories and for self-recrimination. And  I do have these in spades. I don't mean in epic proportions, like Dicken's `The Christmas Carol' Scrooge, but it feels really heavy right now. I guess it happens to everyone,  reason why the holidays can be so fun and at the same time so sad, so difficult to survive! All that I need to do is be less self-centered, think more of others, understand better what matters to them and act on it. It shouldn't be so hard. (One thing I like about myself is the very Brazilian habit of always thinking we can do it, that there is always new chances and new beginnings).